People Are the Worst

Dear Mom,

As we are constantly trying to do the healthy things, Kathryn and I decided it would be totally awesome to participate in a 1-mile Fun Run for charity. Specifically, the Cupid's Undie Run. Good cause, good fun, and you get to tell stories later about how awesome it is to run in the freezing cold in nothing but your "bedroom best." So like the Polar Plunge, minus the hypothermia.

The run was yesterday. I wore something that I would feel comfortable wearing on stage, if the role called for it. So covering OH so much more than most of the girls there, but still way less than I generally wear out in public. As you can imagine, this event was already very hard for me, on a self-confidence level. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, and ridiculously out of shape. Plus, I'm not a runner. But I said I'd go, so I followed through.

And I was having a BLAST. I wasn't by any means the fastest, but I wasn't at the back of the pack either! It was raining and FREEZING cold but we were all in it together, having some fun, and honestly I kept up a steady jogging pace for most of it. I'm surprised I didn't drop dead.

Afterwards, Kathryn and I were walking back to my car, and I mentioned these two girls in tutus that I had been chatting and laughing with during the race. At which point, she informed me that they were, in fact, making fun of me the entire time. The moment I was out of earshot, they went off. Every time. And I have no idea why.

And I cried. A lot. I waited until I was alone in my car at the end of everything, but then I just fell to pieces. Because, wouldn't you know it, I'm back to getting emotional over EVERYTHING. But even if I weren't, I feel like I might be justified with this one. It would be one thing if they were making fun of me to my face, or where I could hear them. But seriously, this was middle school all over again. This was Liberty Jail, where I thought people liked me, only to overhear 80% of the male cast complaining about how horrible I was. And then for them to be perfectly civil and nice and smiling to my face. And I wish my own self-confidence weren't wrapped up so delicately in other people's opinions, but I'm a performer! My career literally depends on people liking me!

But really, we're not twelve, ladies. Grow up.

I'm getting over it, I swear. Just, not any time soon, I imagine ...

Love you,
Kaitlin